Birthday Gifts

Of all the gifts I received for my birthday, the best came in an unexpected way. Paul has been sleeping a great deal of the time, and when he is awake the things he says aren't always relevant to the present, thanks in part to the pain medications he is taking. On Sunday morning around 12:30, I woke up to the sound of him stirring in the other room. When I went to see what he needed, he asked if I wanted to sit next to him on the bed. I did, and he proceeded to talk to me for two hours. The fact that it was my Paul, not delirious Paul, was the true gift, one of the sweetest I've ever been given.

After we finished talking, he went back to sleep and I did the same. Several hours later, a loud noise jerked me back into consciousness. When I got to Paul's side, he was holding the tubing and IV needle from his port, the morphine pump lay on the floor. He told me he had pulled out "the stupid needle." He hadn't been using the morphine very much, so I wasn't too worried. An hour or so later, he realized what he'd done and asked me to call the hospice nurse to put it back in, saying he needed all the help he could get. The nurse came, but she let me re-access the port, talking me through the steps. It was a piece of cake; I've seen it done so many times before. She left extra needles and sterilization supplies, just in case Paul has a change of heart and removes it again.

We had lots of visitors and phone calls yesterday. It was a little overwhelming, but I know people want the opportunity to tell Paul of their love for him, and to support our family. If it helps others find peace, then we can deal with a little craziness once in a while, as long as there are periods of calm between the storms.