We lived after the manner of happiness...

Christmas was bittersweet this year. We have been so blessed by wonderful family and friends who continue to shower us with love. To say "thank you" seems so inadequate, but I don't know how else to express the overwhelming sense of love we feel. We are surrounded by people who are acting as the Lord's hands here on earth. This was the hardest Christmas I have ever experienced. I was torn between the joy of watching the boys' excitement and the heartache of seeing Paul suffer. He slept off and on most of the day; but around 7 o'clock Christmas night, his nausea medicine seemed to quit working, which made it impossible for him to take pain medicine. He woke up in the middle of the night with a fever. I knew I needed to get him to the hospital, but with the blowing and drifting snow, I didn't dare go until it was light outside. He was admitted on Friday and is still there.

Dr. Hancock came to see us on Saturday morning, with the results of the PET/CT scan. Because of the amount of pain Paul is in, we weren't surprised to learn that the cancer has spread. There are new lumps underneath his arms; the one on his abdomen, as well as his left shoulder have grown.

These are the treatment options:

Try a different chemotherapy drug (Taxol)
Send Paul to Huntsman to enter a clinical trial
Send Paul home and keep him as comfortable as possible

Paul doesn't feel like he could make the trip to Salt Lake, so Huntsman is out of the question. And we're not quite ready to give up, so we opted to give Taxol a try. After we shared our decision with Dr. Hancock on Sunday morning, he called down to the hospital pharmacy to see if they had the drug in stock. They were out, but said they could order some. A short while later, the pharmacist called Dr. Hancock at church to tell him they had found some; and it just happened to be the correct dosage for Paul. So he had his first infusion Sunday afternoon. He is suffering from one of the more annoying side effects: hiccups. This happened a year ago when he did chemo the first time. He is receiving several different medicines to try and get rid of them, with varying degrees of success.

The entire Carling Clan descended on Rexburg Saturday afternoon. After lunch at Applebee's, the kids went to our house while the adults took turns visiting Paul at the hospital. At some point, they quit taking turns and we had twenty people in Paul's room. It was like a family reunion/wake -- not to be morbid, but it really did feel like a memorial service. It was wonderful. We are so grateful for the love and support of all of you. Cathy and Mom made us a beautiful wall quilt that depicts some of the favorite activities of our family and a pillow with the motto that the Carling family adopted when Paul was diagnosed almost sixteen months ago.
(click on picture for larger view)




We don't know what to expect in the coming weeks. If the medicine is going to work, we should know fairly quickly. In the meantime, I will apply for a deferment from BYU-I for Winter semester, though it breaks my heart to do it. I don't know yet whether I can defer the grant, too, but things will work out when I'm ready to go back.

Cameron and Jacob are in Utah with their cousins; Parker and Hayden have been hanging out with their favorite surrogate family. We love you all for watching over our boys. I have been spending my days with Paul, talking with him when he's awake, reading while he sleeps. I've nearly finished my second book. Thanks to all who have come to visit (especially those bearing Egg Nog smoothies from Jamba Juice.) We both have enjoyed the company. I don't know when he'll be coming home, but I will keep you posted.