I Miss My Friend

The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in, I miss my friend

See, this is why I don’t listen to country music: emotional overload is not compatible with the schedule of a full time student and mom. But Paul really liked Darryl Worley, and that song in particular. So you’re all invited to click on the link on the sidebar, listen to the song, and join me in a good cry.

How is it possible that it’s been a year already? And how is it possible that I’ve survived that year with only half a heart? Clearly, I’ve not done it alone. I am not only coping, but progressing for one reason: I have an incredible support system. First on the list: Jesus Christ. Were it not for my faith in him and his Atonement, I would not be functioning. Period. Next: my amazing family. I love you all. Now toss in an assortment of friends who fill various roles, ranging from impromptu caterer (thanks, Pizza Fairy) to confidante to intellectual sparring partner to therapist—at no charge, of course—and you can plainly see how I’ve managed to keep it together.

Paul would hate it if we spent this sad anniversary moping around, so we went skiing and snowboarding at Grand Targhee.



Hayden kept Tyler and Chloe company while Brandi was at work. When we got home Tyler, Brandi, and Chloe came for dinner, and we all sat around and talked and laughed while Chloe provided the entertainment. She's getting quite good at walking. Someone needs to tell her grandma to childproof her house and buy a baby gate. I hope you all spent the day thinking of Paul and the great memories you have of him.

"Keep Moving Forward"

Plan for the new year: clean slate, or not? Determine what worked and what didn't. Preserve the best, erase the rest. Huh . . . it suddenly struck me where I got the quote for my title. It's in the closing credits of Meet the Robinsons, one of Paul's favorite movies.

Christmas. At the risk of grossly understating the obvious, Paul was missed. But the many positive things that have happened this past year have helped to temper our grief. We borrowed a tradition from our friends, placing luminarias at Paul's grave on Christmas Eve.



[Sorry about the poor picture quality: we forgot to bring a camera, so I took these with my cell phone.]

After celebrating quietly at home, we all drove to Utah the day after Christmas to visit the grandparents. We also went to Temple Square, and toured the Conference Center. I'd forgotten about all the incredible original artwork it houses. I'll have to go back another time--preferably alone--so I can spend as much time as I'd like taking it all in. I managed to impress our tour guide with my rather limited knowledge of art and artists. He said I was the first person he'd talked with who'd heard of Carl Bloch, and his paintings of the life of Christ, which are hanging in a castle in Denmark. I thought everyone knew about them. :o)

I know I promised Christmas pictures, but apparently we have become rather lax in our efforts to preserve memories. Translation: we didn't take many pictures, and those we did take aren't that interesting. So, imagine Parker smiling broadly as he opens a package containing an HD digital video camera, a gift for which he is the designated guardian (it's really a family gift), and Hayden opening his helmet cam. Picture Cameron's excitement when he unwraps a mini projector that will allow him to show his homemade films on any surface: the ceiling, a wall, a sheet, etc.; and clay and a computer program for creating Claymation animation (like Wallace and Gromit or Chicken Run). Now, think of Jacob grinning as he realizes he is the guardian of not one, but two sets of night vision binoculars. Let the (night) games begin.

We went to Targhee on the 29th, but if you read my last post, you know how badly that ended. Hayden and I spent about three hours in the E.R.s in Driggs and Rexburg having his broken wrist treated. He's feeling much better now. He went to see a movie tonight with friends.

Last night, Tyler, Brandi, and Chloe came for dinner and games. We had Arancini (Italian Stuffed Rice Balls, go here to get the recipe), which I had promised Jacob I'd make for his birthday dinner. Eight months late is better than never. They take a really long time to prepare, but are so worth the effort! Even Parker, who was sure he remembered hating them, loved them. Then we played Uno and Phase 10, and had way too much chocolate fondue and eggnog. I lapsed into a sugar coma around 11:30, waking only when Brandi said, "Happy New Year. We're going home now." Boring, I know.

The boys go back to school on Monday, and not a moment too soon, in my estimation. Wearing pajamas for days on end is not the type of habit one likes to see developing in one's offspring. Happy New Year!