We lived after the manner of happiness...

Christmas was bittersweet this year. We have been so blessed by wonderful family and friends who continue to shower us with love. To say "thank you" seems so inadequate, but I don't know how else to express the overwhelming sense of love we feel. We are surrounded by people who are acting as the Lord's hands here on earth. This was the hardest Christmas I have ever experienced. I was torn between the joy of watching the boys' excitement and the heartache of seeing Paul suffer. He slept off and on most of the day; but around 7 o'clock Christmas night, his nausea medicine seemed to quit working, which made it impossible for him to take pain medicine. He woke up in the middle of the night with a fever. I knew I needed to get him to the hospital, but with the blowing and drifting snow, I didn't dare go until it was light outside. He was admitted on Friday and is still there.

Dr. Hancock came to see us on Saturday morning, with the results of the PET/CT scan. Because of the amount of pain Paul is in, we weren't surprised to learn that the cancer has spread. There are new lumps underneath his arms; the one on his abdomen, as well as his left shoulder have grown.

These are the treatment options:

Try a different chemotherapy drug (Taxol)
Send Paul to Huntsman to enter a clinical trial
Send Paul home and keep him as comfortable as possible

Paul doesn't feel like he could make the trip to Salt Lake, so Huntsman is out of the question. And we're not quite ready to give up, so we opted to give Taxol a try. After we shared our decision with Dr. Hancock on Sunday morning, he called down to the hospital pharmacy to see if they had the drug in stock. They were out, but said they could order some. A short while later, the pharmacist called Dr. Hancock at church to tell him they had found some; and it just happened to be the correct dosage for Paul. So he had his first infusion Sunday afternoon. He is suffering from one of the more annoying side effects: hiccups. This happened a year ago when he did chemo the first time. He is receiving several different medicines to try and get rid of them, with varying degrees of success.

The entire Carling Clan descended on Rexburg Saturday afternoon. After lunch at Applebee's, the kids went to our house while the adults took turns visiting Paul at the hospital. At some point, they quit taking turns and we had twenty people in Paul's room. It was like a family reunion/wake -- not to be morbid, but it really did feel like a memorial service. It was wonderful. We are so grateful for the love and support of all of you. Cathy and Mom made us a beautiful wall quilt that depicts some of the favorite activities of our family and a pillow with the motto that the Carling family adopted when Paul was diagnosed almost sixteen months ago.
(click on picture for larger view)




We don't know what to expect in the coming weeks. If the medicine is going to work, we should know fairly quickly. In the meantime, I will apply for a deferment from BYU-I for Winter semester, though it breaks my heart to do it. I don't know yet whether I can defer the grant, too, but things will work out when I'm ready to go back.

Cameron and Jacob are in Utah with their cousins; Parker and Hayden have been hanging out with their favorite surrogate family. We love you all for watching over our boys. I have been spending my days with Paul, talking with him when he's awake, reading while he sleeps. I've nearly finished my second book. Thanks to all who have come to visit (especially those bearing Egg Nog smoothies from Jamba Juice.) We both have enjoyed the company. I don't know when he'll be coming home, but I will keep you posted.

"I'm Gettin' Nothin' for Christmas..."

Wednesday I went to the Third grade Christmas concert at Lincoln Elementary. Jacob did a great job singing. As you can see from the picture, he really got into character for some of the songs. The boys stayed busy with parties and activities during the final week of school for 2008. Cameron went with the rest of the Fifth grade to see "Tales of Despereaux" on Friday. I think most of the week was spent watching movies in class instead of doing work, but hey, it's Christmas! I'm sure the teachers have figured out that the productivity levels of their students are on par with sea sponges during the last week before break anyway.

Parker went snowboarding at Grand Targhee with the neighbors yesterday. He said it was very cold, but the snow was not bad. I have a running joke with our neighbor that he gets to claim Parker and Hayden on his tax return this year, since they have spent so much time down at their home.

Paul has had another rough week. The pain in his shoulder is still giving him grief. We're doing our best to make it bearable. We have an awesome home health nurse named Kate who makes sure we have the supplies we need so I can give Paul fluids and nausea medicine through his port when he's really sick. That saves us from late-night trips to the E.R. He is scheduled for a PET/CT scan on Tuesday afternoon. I don't know how soon we'll get results, with it being so close to Christmas, but we'll keep you posted.

The younger boys have been counting down the days until Christmas with four Advent calendars, though at this point, that's probably unnecessary. I'm sure they know how many hours, minutes and seconds are left! At this very moment, Hayden, Cameron and Jacob are in the other room watching home videos of Christmases past. I just heard Jacob say," You were so cute, Cameron!" This year our family has been treated to the Twelve Days of Christmas via UPS, the U.S. Postal Service, and even YouTube, courtesy of the Utah Carling Clan. It has been fun to see what surprises await us inside each envelope, package, and e-mail...thanks!

I got the results of my final exams...I got an A in English and a B in Science, but my overall final grades were A's in all three of my classes. I must have gotten some heavenly help to be able to maintain my grades in spite of the challenges I've had this semester. I was surprised by an e-mail I received inviting me to be a tutor next semester for the Foundations Science class I just completed. Apparently, my teacher was impressed with my performance. I respectfully declined the offer though, in light of my other responsibilities.

We will be spending Christmas at home, enjoying each other and wish the same for each of you. We are grateful for the opportunity we have to celebrate the birth of our Savior. We know that our Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us; we are grateful for the blessing of peace that has come into our lives as a result of this knowledge. The trials of the past sixteen months have been easier to bear because we know we aren't in charge and we aren't alone. We love you all and are so grateful for the love and generosity you have shown to our family (thank you, Pizza Fairy.)

'Tis the Season...

...of the Invisible Snow Shovel (unless you're a mom, in which case, you're automatically endowed with the ability to find things that mere mortals can't even see.)

...for disappearing hats and gloves -- I believe there's an unseen force that annually sucks them through a black hole in the back of the closet. Do you think that somewhere, on the other side of the Universe, there's a planet made entirely of winter accessories?

...when boys believe hats (if they can be found) are suitable substitutes for personal grooming. This is a direct quote: "My hair is going to get messed up anyway."

...for muddy footprints of varying sizes, this week, they happened to be about Men's size 11 (Paul wears a 10, so he's off the hook.)

...for final exams and projects. I took my last test yesterday, but I'm still waiting for the scores. Here are some pictures of the "creative response" portion of my English project:

I wore this shirt on the last day of class. Appropriately enough, we were discussing Frankenstein.




Simply choose a head and snap it on a body. Voila! Instant playmate.

I doubt this is what my professor was expecting, but you have to admit, he did leave the door wide open with the word "creative." I'm pretty sure no one else did anything like it. It's good to be memorable, isn't it?

Paul's chemo treatments got off to a rough start this week. He had an allergic reaction to one of the medicines that was supposed to help control the nausea; we ended up in the E.R. at 2 a.m. Tuesday morning. Things have been much better since we dropped that medicine from the roster. I gave him some I.V. fluids today, and he will take his last dose tonight. His pain is still pretty hard to control, but he's patiently enduring. We appreciate the kind words, prayers and generosity from all of you. It's nice to be so loved! The goodness of the people we share this world with continues to humble and amaze me. Thank you all.

I got some good news today: I have been chosen to receive a private grant that will cover my tuition, books and some other expenses for Winter semester. This is a such a blessing.

"We had still duties which we ought to perform."

Who ever thought I'd be quoting from Frankenstein? Fall semester ends in a week. I have two final exams to study for, as well as a large, time-consuming portfolio of Mary Shelley to assemble for my British Literature class. It involves a lot of reading, a great deal of writing, and a generous dose of blood, sweat and tears. (Just kidding about that last bit. My professor said when describing the assignment to others we should make it sound really difficult so they'll take pity on us. Did it work?) I would finish sooner if I wasn't a compulsive rewriter. My work goes through half a dozen iterations before I'll quit.

Paul has been able to work the last two days, in spite of the continuing pain in his shoulder. He starts oral chemo on Monday. At our appointment on Wednesday, Dr. Hancock said he wants Paul to have a PET/CT scan the week after next, rather than waiting until January. He has been consulting with Dr. Jones at Huntsman, about a possible surgery after the first of the year. Speaking of Dr. Jones, we got an e-mail from him with pictures of Paul's leg surgery. Only those with strong stomachs should ask to see them. They're pretty amazing, in a gross sort of way. He did say he sent "the least gross" of the bunch. Thanks!

Last night I took Paul to see the play She Loves Me at the university. The Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie You've Got Mail is based on the same story. It was a musical, making it a supreme sacrifice on Paul's part to sit through the whole thing. He's very good to humor me when it comes to cultural events. He even went to the Ballet with me when we were dating.

We put up Christmas decorations for Family Night. We haven't cut a tree yet, but might do that tomorrow, umm...I guess it's tomorrow already, so make that today, depending on how Paul feels. Parker is anxious for more snow, even praying for "moisture for the crops next year." But we know he really wants it for snowboarding. That's okay, it suits both purposes.

Experts Attribute Increased Tryptophan Use to Holidays

What's the best way to celebrate Thanksgiving? With forty-eight of your close family and friends, of course! Dinner this year was at Mom and Dad Parker's home. They had guests from Utah, Idaho, California, Brazil and Taiwan.

(Not them, although there was plenty of grazing going on)
(Uh-uh, not them, either. This is the rooster on my hit-list)


The food was delicious and plentiful, the company diverse and pleasant. After-dinner entertainment consisted of a rousing game of Bocci;



several rounds of Settlers of Catan, one of those painfully protracted board games that my sons love to play; a drawing/writing game (sorry, I don't know its name, but it was a lot of fun!) naps, movies, laughter, more naps, dessert, a few songs from Amannda and Camilla (nice job!) more food, more dessert, until about ten o'clock Thursday night. Thanks to Mom and Dad Parker for a great day. Thanks to Sherry for understanding the whole Brit/Lit obsession...long live Mrs. Darcy! Good luck with the move. If you find they don't have libraries in Texas, call me and I'll send you an emergency shipment of Jane Austen. Thanks to Mom and Dad Carling for letting us stay with you, and not minding that we were gone the entire day. Thanks to Lynn and Carol for putting the older boys and Brandi up for the night. Thanks to Cathy and Brian for having Cameron and Jacob come for a visit. Thanks to Paul for feeling well enough to make the trip to Utah and for being an example of endurance and quiet strength for us all.

Quick Update

Paul spent Saturday night and most of Sunday in the hospital. He was still so nauseated that he couldn't keep any food or medicine down so we thought it best to get him rehydrated and figure out what was causing the problem. They did a CT of his abdomen to rule out any type of mechanical cause (blockage, growth, etc.) The results were negative. Sunday morning Dr. Hancock stopped by to see how Paul was doing. He determined that the likely cause was a gastrointestinal bug that has been making the rounds in Madison County. He had another chemo patient there, for the same reason. After a good night's rest - at home - and some homemade chicken noodle soup, Paul is feeling much better. He even drove himself into town today! This is the first time since surgery. We are confident that he will be well enough to make the trek to Utah for Thanksgiving, although I did buy some masks for him to wear to cut the risk of exposure to any other nasty viruses that may be in the vicinity.

Unlocking the Secrets of the Universe...

Okay, maybe not those secrets, but I think I've discovered the recipe for Iced Lemon Cookies from the Point Restaurant at Huntsman. That's nearly as important, right? Once I figured out the secret ingredient I began searching for a recipe that embodied all of the other magnificent qualities of the cookie. With the help of my assistant, Jacob, who requested I call him "Little Chef," we put it to the test on our cooking show (Jacob's idea.) We talked to the invisible audience, explaining each step in the process.



The results were pretty darn close to the original, even if I do say so myself.



Not being a fan of lemon-flavored anything, Jacob made a brilliant, though somewhat self-serving, suggestion. The cookie dough had to be refrigerated for an hour, so he said, "Why don't we make a different kind (read: Chocolate Chip) while we're waiting for the other dough?", reminding me that's how the guy on Dad's favorite cooking show (Rick Bayless, Mexico One Plate at a Time) does things. So we did. Jacob was in charge of adding the flour to the mixture, a little at a time. After the first addition, I said, "Okay, now add half of what's left." He picked up a knife and cut the flour that was in the measuring cup in half. Ah, to have the mind of an eight-year-old again...life would be so simple and straightforward. I love working with Jacob, whether we're baking or cleaning up. After we made the Chocolate Chip cookie dough, we put the first batch in the oven to bake and I set the timer. Unfortunately, I didn't hear it ring. By the time I realized this fact, the cookies were, well, um... let's just say they were a bit dark. Jacob called them "the practice batch."




Random Sampler

Scraping the ice off your windshield with a Subway points card is not as effective as using a real ice scraper.

Cameron thinks that the technology exists to create a time machine, but the scientists don't want to mess with the space-time continuum. Hmm...

Hayden went swimming twice on Friday at Green Canyon Hot Springs. Unfortunately, only one time was in the pool. The other happened while crossing the river in the dark.

"Those who do not complain are never pitied." ~ Jane Austen

Okay, we all know that Paul is the last person to complain about anything. So I'm gonna do it for him. He has had a miserable week. Last Tuesday, he started back on Temodar, the oral chemo. He felt fine until the weekend, which is normal. He usually starts to feel better by Sunday. But he was extremely sick (and dehydrated) all weekend and not feeling any better by Monday. I wanted to take him into the oncology clinic to get some I.V. fluids, but they were completely swamped. So we ended up spending four hours on Monday in short stay therapy and the E.R., getting fluids and nausea meds. Since then, he has had nausea off and on every day. I think some of it is from the pain medicine, some from the pain itself. He hasn't been to physical therapy at all this week, but he's been walking around outside, since the weather has been unseasonably warm and beautiful. His leg is actually feeling pretty good; his shoulder is giving him fits. We are praying that the chemo is making the cancer cells just as sick as it made him.

Jacob and Cameron had Pack Night last Thursday and Paul was well enough to go with us. Jacob earned his Bobcat badge, Cameron got three or four Webelos activity pins. Unfortunately, I didn't bring a camera, so you'll have to imagine them smiling while receiving their awards.

Friday is the end of the trimester for the boys. Parker informs me that there is a very good chance he will be getting a 4.0. All of the boys are working hard and keeping busy with their studies. I have about three weeks left in the semester. I've got a project for my English class to start/finish before then. Not quite as involved as the Shakespeare-to-film project from earlier this year, but still demanding. I registered for Winter semester last week and was able to get the classes I wanted: another English, this time focusing more on writing; and a class on the Middle East.

Assuming that Paul is up for a road trip, we're headed south (Utah, not Cancun) for Thanksgiving. We'll be joining a bunch of the Parker family, as well as miscellaneous other guests, for dinner at Mom and Dad's home (Hey, roosters: consider yourselves warned!)

I'm Famous! (or infamous)

If having your portrait drawn by two different artists is an indication of one's social standing, I'm either well-loved or notorious. Jacob and Cameron both drew pictures of me yesterday. Click on the images for a larger view. Jacob managed to capture the true character of my hair, especially on a windy day. Cameron's rendering is especially authentic, down to the most minute detail (notice the shirt; and the title of the book: English Literature.) Nice work, boys!




Paul continues to surprise his physical therapist. Yesterday he sent him to the stationary bike, saying, "I know you won't be able to do a full rotation, just do your best." Paul proved him wrong. He is also able to walk around the house without using his crutches. He is the most determined man I know. I think he's tired of being stuck at home. There's a limit to how many cooking shows and Hispanic soap operas a person can tolerate.

Fried chicken, anyone?

Paul had a follow-up appointment at Huntsman Cancer Clinic on Wednesday, so we drove to North Ogden and spent Tuesday night with Mom and Dad. Since retiring, my dad has been honing his latent agricultural tendencies, most recently in the field of poultry husbandry. He has become quite successful, and is the proud owner of a large number of hens and roosters. Unfortunately, roosters are in the habit of announcing their presence to the world at unreasonably early predawn hours, around 5 a.m. on the morning of our visit. I realize these birds were just doing what comes naturally to them, but really...people were trying to sleep! I'm not usually one to hold a grudge, but when Dad decides it's time to send them off to the big Rooster Round-Up in the Sky, I'll be there to help.

Paul's appointment went well. Dr. Jones was very pleased with the progress he's making and said we won't need to come back for six months. While we were waiting to see Dr. Jones, Nancy, Dr. Andtbacka's nurse stopped by to say "hi." She gave Paul a hug and asked how the "miracle boy" was doing. We also saw Ryan, the physical therapist, who was impressed with how well he's getting around.

These are post-surgical x-rays of Paul's "bionic" leg. Amazing!
(click on images for a larger view)






On a less cheerful note, the results of the shoulder MRI showed no rotator cuff tear, but a mass about the size of a walnut growing on the acromion process (the blue-colored projection to the far left of the shoulder blade).



Paul will resume the oral chemotherapy drug regimen that he was on before his leg surgery. Dr. Hancock feels this is the best course of treatment. Paul will probably start this on Monday.


The rest of the family is doing well, keeping busy with school and other responsibilities. About a week ago, I went to Madison High School to see Parker inducted into the National Honor Society. He didn't want me to take pictures, but here's an image that captures the mood of the event.



Way to go, Parker!

Life's Simple Pleasures, Or the Joy of Sleeping in One's Own Bed for the First Time in Three Weeks

When you have a month as challenging as the one we've just been through, you learn to appreciate the little victories when they come. Case in point, Wednesday night, Paul decided he was ready to make the trek up the stairs to our room. I have been dreaming (or not, since I haven't slept well) of this moment for three weeks. Don't get me wrong. Most of the beds I slept in were relatively comfortable. But there's just something about sleeping in your own bed, in your own room; nothing else can compare to that feeling of rightness. Ah-h, home at last!

Paul started outpatient physical therapy today. I'd love to tell you it was fun, but that would be a bold-faced lie. He continues to make progress with his mobility and the pain in his leg is getting less intense. Yesterday we went to see Dr. Mills, an orthopedic surgeon, about Paul's right shoulder. Several weeks before his leg surgery he injured it lifting a huge drill. At the time, it was sore, but now that he is using it more to scoot around and support himself on crutches, the injury seems to be aggravated. The doctor believes Paul has a torn rotator cuff; an MRI on Monday will either confirm or negate this diagnosis. So, the PT is working on Paul's leg and shoulder. The pain in his shoulder is actually worse than that in his leg!

We we're heading to SLC on Tuesday night, as Paul has a follow-up visit with Dr. Jones on Wednesday. We'll be home later that night. Speaking of Dr. Jones, I just got off the phone with him. He called to say that the pathology reports from the surgery came back looking great. They were able to get clean margins in the bone and the muscle. This is the best news possible! We are so grateful for the excellent care that Paul has received from all the medical professionals involved in his treatment.


Last night, I was helping the boys get their costumes ready for their Halloween parties at school today. Everything was in order for Hayden (Obi-Wan Kenobi) and Jacob (Robin Hood), but Cameron couldn't find all the components to his Yoda costume. We looked, and looked, and looked, but had no success. Finally, at ten o'clock, I dragged out the old sewing machine, dug through my stockpile of fabric, and rather hurriedly constructed a new outfit for Yoda. Thank goodness Cameron still had the hat with the green ears; there's no way I was going to make another one of those! It was bad enough the first time. In the event that a similar incident happens next year, I think we'll follow Parker's cue and send them to school wearing name tags that say, "Hi, My Name Is DAVE."

In the words of the poet, Brian Wilson: "I wanna go home."

Paul was released from the hospital at 5 o'clock Thursday, just in time to hit rush hour traffic in Salt Lake City. But we didn't even care! We were so glad to be heading home. We stayed the night in Ogden at Mom and Dad Carling's, then drove to Rexburg today. We stopped halfway to let Paul walk around and stretch before coming the rest of the way. We got here just a few minutes before Jacob's bus.

Thursday morning before heading to the hospital, I made a quick stop at Krispy Kreme to grab a few dozen donuts to thank the staff at Huntsman. They were so great (the nurses, and the donuts). We really did receive excellent care while we were there. I say "we" because they made sure I was taken care of too. Paul is doing really well. He graduated from using a walker to crutches before we left. The physical therapist trained me to help him with his exercises. He was very impressed, even suggesting I abandon my pursuit of an English degree for Physical Therapy instead. I don't think I'll take his advice, though. I don't like people telling me I'm mean. Paul had a visit from Dr. Andtbacka, the surgeon who removed his tumor and lymph glands last December. He said he had heard Paul was at Huntsman again and wanted to see how he was doing. Paul's good friend, Shane, stopped by last Wednesday and again this Thursday afternoon. As usual, the topic was motorcycles and cars. Some things never change!

To facilitate a more comfortable ride home, I traded my car for Carol's minivan. That way Paul was able to have more room and keep his leg elevated. Lynn will come up on Saturday to switch vehicles and put the stair railing back up. We took it down long ago after some little boys, who shall remain nameless (coughTylerandParkercough), hung on it and stripped the screws out of the wall.

Paul is resting comfortably on the living room couch as I type this. The boys are home from school now. I am so happy to be home! Thanks to all of you who had any part in making it possible for me to be with Paul throughout his stay at Huntsman. It was comforting to know that our family was being watched over and cared for while I was trying to do the same for Paul.

Paul's next assignment is to continue regaining his strength and start out-patient physical therapy. It will be a long, slow process, but he's very motivated, and as Aunt Marilyn said, "he's a stubborn Dutchman."

"I've got (almost) no strings..."

Well, we're down to one tube (for IV fluids). Paul got rid of the oxygen last night, and they took the heart rate and oxygen monitor off this morning. He's had physical therapy twice today. The therapist said he's improving every time. We can go walk whenever Paul wants to without a nurse coming along. He walked down the hall and sat in the waiting area for a while this morning. He is able to get in and out of bed with very little help on my part.

Dr. Jones stopped by this afternoon and removed the bandage from his leg. He was very impressed with how good the incision area looks. And as an added bonus, Paul's leg is feeling a little better, now that his skin isn't being pulled. The doctor says there's a good chance for Paul to be released tomorrow! We are so anxious to get back to real life. Everyone here has been wonderful, but it's not home. Thank you, everyone who has been helping our family through this adventure. We love you all and are so grateful we have so many family and friends to depend upon.

In the words of the poet, Billy Joel: "I'm moving out" ...or at least down the hall.

If moving closer to the elevators is a sign of progress, then Paul's making it. He's out of the Special Care hallway, down the hall in room 5516. They also disconnected several monitoring devices, took the heavy bandages off his leg and removed the drains. He was up and walking this morning before I got here. Dr. Jones stopped by this morning and they talked about Toronto, which is where Paul served his mission and the doctor did some of his medical residency.

The physical therapists came this morning, as well as after lunch to work on his leg. He's getting stronger and doing better each day. After he rests for a while, the nurse will take him for another walk.

The boys are home and back in school. Grandma and Grandpa Carling are staying with them, at least until Wednesday. Then Tyler and Brandi will take over. Today is Hayden's thirteenth birthday and it really stinks that we aren't there to celebrate with him. I think Grandma has some plans for tonight. And when Paul and I get home we'll have a belated celebration. So really, it'll be like having two birthdays!

In the words of the poet, Tom Petty: "The waiting is the hardest part"...except for everything that comes after that.

Paul has had a rough couple of days. He was scheduled to go into surgery on Friday at 7 a.m., but since he was running a fever that morning (not an unusual occurrence after an embolization) they decided to wait a while. They finally took him in just before 9 a.m. Doctor Jones gave me strict instructions to not stay in the waiting room the whole time. Parker, Tyler and Brandi came to the hospital with me just before 7 a.m. After Paul was taken to surgery, we went upstairs to get some breakfast, then back to Paul's room to grab a quick nap (four hours of sleep just isn't enough to function on).

Around noon, Angie and Carol (sisters-in-law) came to take us to lunch. We drove to Gardner Village with the intention of having lunch there, but decided against it when we realized there were 70,000 others with the same idea. We walked around for about half an hour, then spent another half hour trying to get out of the parking lot. The teenage boy/traffic controller might have been a factor in that whole fiasco. We drove to the Gateway and had lunch. During the time we were away from the hospital, a surgical nurse called every two hours to give me updates.

After lunch we went back to the hospital to wait. Brent and Lynn (Paul's brothers) both came after work. The nurse called at 5:45 p.m. to say all was going well, they were just beginning reconstruction, and she would call me in another two hours. We decided to go have some dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory. While we were eating, Dr. Jones called at 7 p.m. to say they had finished and Paul was in recovery. We finished our meal and went back to the hospital.

We waited until almost ten before Paul was back in his room. He was heavily sedated and still on a ventilator, a precautionary measure to make sure they could maintain his airway through the night. Sometimes when patients receive as much fluid as Paul did during surgery, the throat tissues swell. That decision led to a miserable night for him. He was nauseous and vomiting, which led to concern that he had an ulcer or some other source of bleeding, since they saw evidence of old blood. The vent and suction tube made him gag and feel like he couldn't breathe. Around noon, after a particularly distressful episode, which was horrible for me to watch, they finally removed the ventilator. He's breathing fine on his own, although they do have him on oxygen. He had four IV's, not counting his port. Now he's down to one, plus his port.

Because of the suspected bleed, the Gastroenterology team wanted a nasogastric tube placed, so they could empty the contents of Paul's stomach. The nurse tried three times, the only result being a lot of pain and a bloody nose. Then he tried putting it down Paul's throat, but that failed, too. This was also hard to watch. The medical team decided that they wouldn't keep trying.

In spite of taking an hour longer than they thought it would (nine hours instead of eight), the surgery was a success. The doctor was able to remove the whole tumor without having to cut into the tumor itself. He was very pleased that it came out in such a neat package, and commented that whoever gave Paul a blessing beforehand did a good job. I said yes, that and Paul has a wife who asks specific prayers. He agreed and said that general prayers get general answers, but specific prayers get specific answers. And I had prayed that the tumor would be in a nice, neat package that would be easy to remove.

So, now it's Sunday morning and we are waiting for the GI team to come scope Paul. It may be today or tomorrow. One of the doctors told us that there were eleven people waiting to be seen, all needing to be scoped, and some of whom were at risk of bleeding out, so Paul is a low priority at this point. On the bright side, the pain is under better control. I spent the night here in the hospital on a fold out couch/bed in Paul's room. I wasn't much help, but I think he felt better having me nearby.

A man from the LDS branch at the hospital came to let us know they will be holding Sacrament meeting on the first floor. But since Paul isn't mobile yet, they will bring the sacrament up to us. Mom and Dad Carling are planning on bringing the kids up after lunch, then going home to Rexburg with them so they can get back in school. I will be staying here with Paul for the next few days, at least. If things change, we'll let you know. I have been doing my best to keep up with my school work. Fortunately, my classes are accessible online, so it hasn't been too difficult.

The physical therapists came in around three this afternoon to get Paul up for the first time after surgery. He was able to stand, take several steps (with the aid of a walker) and sit in a chair. He spent about two hours there, resting comfortably (Phenergan tends to have that effect on him). Then the therapists came back, helped him stand, take a few more steps, and get back into bed. He's also been working on some exercises he can do in bed. He is very motivated and willing to work hard, no matter how painful the process may be. While he was having a nap in the chair, Dr. Jones came and asked if I'd like to see the post-surgical x-rays of Paul's leg. The subject of school came up in conversation and, as it turns out, he was an English major in college. So we had an interesting discussion about our favorite poets. He even printed out copies of two of his favorite poems for me to read. I knew there was something about him that I liked!

Bow to Your Sensei...

Paul had the embolization procedure on his tumor at 1:30 p.m. today. He came out of the dressing room looking like a Tae Kwon Do master, and was even willing to let me take his picture, knowing full well that it would go straight to the blog. He's such a good sport. His surgery lasted about three hours and was a success. The doctor made a small incision in his left leg and followed the vein up and over into his right leg. Then he deployed tiny pellets into two of the blood vessels that fed the tumor. The doctor observed what they call "tumor blush," which indicates a good supply of blood to the area. After the procedure, this was no longer the case, which is what we wanted. The doctor was happy with the results and Paul did really well. He was awake through most of the operation and they had to ask him to quit lifting his head up to try and see the images on the screen.

He was in an observation/overflow room until a room on the floor became available. Now he's in room 5520. For dinner Paul had fish and chips, grilled vegetables, onion rings, apple juice and Key Lime pie. The food here is the best! I may have to bribe the bakery for their iced lemon cookie recipe - it's quite possibly the best cookie I have ever eaten. After dinner Paul had an MRI on his leg in preparation for surgery on Friday. They have decided to keep him here until then, which will be easier than trying to get him home to Mom and Dad's then back early Friday morning. Also, they will be able to manage his pain better than I could. He still is having quite a bit of that, maybe even more than before. But the nurses have done a good job trying to keep him comfortable. I am staying at the "Brent and Angie B&B" tonight. It's very late, I'm tired, so good night, y'all!

This is the view from Paul's room.



The bathroom is nicer than mine.



The room is furnished like a nice hotel, rather than your typical hospital.



BTW - I've discovered the secret ingredient in the iced lemon cookies - but I'm not telling!

Coffee at BYU-I?

Thursday I went to the Pre-professional Conference sponsored by the English Department at BYU-I. The keynote speakers were Marilyn Arnold, David Kirby, and Ana Maria Shua, all of whom are successful authors. Ana Maria Shua was my favorite speaker at the conference. She is from Argentina and has written dozens of books, many of which have been translated into English. Upon being introduced, she stood in front of the standing-room-only audience and said, "I don't like to lecture, so I hope you have lots of questions for me." She was very generous in sharing what she has learned over the years about writing and getting published. After attending several workshops in the morning, I took a break to go to my science class, meet with my study group, then get something to eat before the afternoon workshops.

When I walked back into the Hinckley building after lunch, I was hit with an overpowering odor that smelled exactly like, could it possibly be, COFFEE?!? For a second I thought maybe University Catering had provided it for some of the guest speakers who aren't LDS. But common sense overruled that thought; after all, we're talking about an LDS university here. Just then, a young man came out of the cultural hall, where the luncheon for the invited guests was held (obviously, I was not one of them). I asked him what they had been served for lunch, thinking that perhaps something on the menu just smelled like coffee, maybe roast beef or something. He told me they had cold cut sandwiches. I asked what the terrible smell was and he laughed and said that someone had burned some microwave popcorn,


set off the smoke alarm and caused the building to be evacuated. I'm glad it wasn't me!


And speaking of smoke alarms...we just got back from a weekend spent at the Providence Inn Bed and Breakfast near Logan.


It's listed on the National Historic Register, and it's a fun place to stay. What makes it truly fabulous, though, is the fact that it used to be an LDS church, in fact the church, where fifty years ago a young couple by the name of Ray and Beverly Carling had their wedding reception! All six of their children and spouses came and stayed Friday night. Mom and Dad stayed in the Bridal Suite.

After a delicious dinner provided by a local caterer, we spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing. In the morning, as we were dressing for breakfast, the smoke alarm went off. Paul went downstairs to make sure the place wasn't really on fire, while I ...dare I say it...continued getting ready - I figured if it were a real emergency, someone would be yelling for us to get out, right? Later at breakfast, we discovered the culprit. Julie had taken a really hot, really steamy shower which triggered the alarm. When it went off, the office called her room and asked, "Did someone just take a really hot, really steamy shower?" Apparently this is a recurring issue with that particular room.

After we ate, we went to the hundred-year-old home where Dad was raised. The current owners generously allowed us to have a tour (Cathy had arranged this in advance). Then we went to the Logan Temple


(Mom and Dad were married here on October 8, 1958) where we did sealings for about 120 sets of our ancestors, some of whom had been waiting for 350 years to be reunited. For lunch, we drove to Maddox restaurant near Brigham City, the site of their original wedding luncheon, where Mom and Dad were surprised


by many of their brothers and sisters. The food was great and the company was excellent. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for your example of enduring love.


TEST RESULTS

I talked with Dr. Hancock about the results of the CT/PET scan and MRI that Paul had last week. Both look good! The CT/PET did show some activity in the right leg, but that was expected. The sternum area that had lit up on the previous scans showed significant improvement. But there was a new area, on Paul's right shoulder, that lit up. I asked Dr. Hancock if an injury would show up on a scan. He said yes. I told him about Paul pulling/tearing the muscle in his shoulder a few weeks ago at work. I really like it when there are logical explanations for unexpected results.

The only constant is change.

I was thinking this week and most of the next would be fairly relaxed,


with plenty of time to get ready for Paul's surgery next Friday. It's amazing how quickly a few phone calls can change things. I have now officially switched into overdrive.

Paul has a CT/PET scan tomorrow afternoon, followed by an MRI of his brain on Wednesday morning. Huntsman called this morning. They want Paul there on Tuesday morning, October 14Th, to meet with Dr. Alene Burdett in the Interventional Radiology clinic. These are the people who will be doing the embolization of the blood vessels that feed the tumor in Paul's leg. Then on Wednesday, they will perform the actual embolization procedure. He will be admitted as a patient from then until after his leg surgery, probably at least through the weekend.

In the meantime, I will be working like a madwoman, trying to make arrangements for the boys, meals while we're gone, getting the laundry done (can you say "Mt. Everest?"),


and whatever else I can think of that needs to be taken care of before we leave, as well as while we're away. Oh yeah, and I still have classes to attend, an all-day Pre-professional Conference for English majors on Thursday, homework, and two midterm exams to take.


So, how was your day? :o)

UPDATE: Thanks to the generous nature of one of my professors, I only have one midterm exam to take. The other has been moved to later in October. Thank heaven for small blessings!

ANOTHER UPDATE: We decided that since the boys are out of school, they should come with us to Utah. They'll be skipping classes on Thursday and Friday, but I doubt they'll miss much work, being the first two days back after Harvest Break. We may have to get creative in arranging transportation back home if Paul isn't released from the hospital by Sunday night. I'll miss classes on Tuesday and Thursday, but have very understanding professors who are willing to work with me.

Meeting Dr. Jones (not this one)

Paul and I went to Huntsman Cancer Institute yesterday for a consultation with Dr. Jones, Kevin, not Indiana. The appointment went well. We feel confident in his knowledge and abilities, and as an added bonus, he is a very likable person. He explained the options for treatment, which, as it turns out, are just slightly different from those presented to us by Dr. Hancock:

1) Do nothing - an all-around bad option, for the reasons I previously discussed.

2) Insert a metal rod into the femur - this would serve to strengthen the bone, but do nothing to address the problem of the tumor or the pain being caused by said tumor.

3) Remove the diseased portion of the femur, as well as the tumor in the soft tissue, along with surrounding tissues that are involved. Replace the femur section with a metal "bone," which would be held in place with cement.

We are going with option #3. Paul is scheduled for surgery at Huntsman on Friday, October 17. He'll likely need to go a day earlier to have some preliminary work done in preparation for the surgery. The doctor said Paul will stay in the hospital anywhere from two days to a week, depending on how quickly he recovers. Incredibly, he will be able to bear weight on the bone right away, though he may not feel like doing so. It will take some time for the muscles and other tissues to recover from the trauma of the surgery. He'll use crutches, then graduate to a cane for support.

Dr. Jones told Paul it would be fine for him to go skiing this winter, just later in the season. The only post-surgical restriction he placed on him was this: no marathons. Paul was heartbroken, as you might imagine (not!). But until the surgery, he can't ride a bike, motorcycle, pogo stick, go kayaking, climb ladders, any activity that could lead to a fall or put undue stress on his leg. I am going to have to hide all the keys to the motorcycles. Paul kept asking Dr. Jones, "What about..." Finally, the doctor just said, "You can walk." The nurse, Nancy, suggested I get Paul a shirt that says,"I'm only allowed to walk." Someone else suggested that I have my name and phone number printed on it, so people can call and report any incidents of noncompliance. I'm sure these measures won't be necessary, right, Paul?

While we were in Salt Lake City, we went to Primary Children's Hospital and saw David and Melanie's beautiful little Emylie. She was so peaceful, calm and alert. Her nurse was very kind and gentle with her. We hope she continues to make progress so she'll be able to go home soon! Before Paul's appointment, we went to the 6Th floor of the HCI and had lunch at the Point restaurant. The food was good and the view was fabulous! It's the highest point in SLC. Too bad the air quality was so poor.



It made me appreciate living in Rexburg even more, that and our lack of TRAFFIC! It took us over thirty minutes to exit I-15 at Layton, buy some Krispy Kreme donuts and get back on the freeway. We probably covered a distance of less than 2 miles.

The Six Hundred Dollar Man

Paul had an appointment with Dr. Hancock this morning. As we suspected, from the increased pain he's felt over the past month, the tumor in his leg has grown from about 3 cm long to over 9 cm. Dr. Hancock outlined several options for treatment:

1) Do nothing, but run the risk of Paul suffering a catastrophic fracture in his femur - not good.

2) Remove the diseased portion of the bone, replacing it with some combination of donor bone/metal rod/prosthetic bone/screws.

3) Interleukin - a treatment that utilizes the body's own defenses to attack the cancer - this may not be effective on tumors in the bone.

4) More of the same chemotherapy that Paul had earlier in the year - yuck!

Dr. Hancock is working on getting Paul an appointment with Dr. Randall, a Sarcoma Surgeon at Huntsman Cancer Institute. He is among the best in the country. We'll let you know what we learn from the consultation.

Update: Paul and I will be going to Huntsman on Wednesday. We will meet with Dr. Kevin Jones, who is a partner of Dr. Lor Randall's.

We have a PET/CT scan on the 7th of October. This should give us a clear picture of how well the Temodar is working at keeping the cancer from spreading to other areas of Paul's body. We know it isn't very effective against cancer inside of his bones.

After we finished talking with Dr. Hancock, Paul had a Zometa infusion. One of the nurses asked how things were going and he told her what we had learned. Paul commented that the doctors would probably take out the cancerous bone and replace it with a "bionic leg." He said, "I'll be the Six Hundred Dollar Man." I love that he is able to keep a sense of humor in spite of the pain and suffering he has endured. He is the strongest person I know.

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Yesterday in church Paul was released as Young Men's President and I was released as Scout committee chair and Advancement chair. Paul is now a Ward Missionary and I am responsible for the Ward Bulletin each week, and am the Ward Historian as well. I also resigned my job as office manager. The combination of family, school, church and work was becoming more than I wanted to juggle. So the last thing on was the first thing off.

Parker has been invited to become a member of the National Honor Society. We are very proud of him. He has worked hard in school and is reaping the dividends. He will be working for a neighbor during Spud Harvest, so no motorcycle rides for him during the break. I guess it will just be Paul and the three younger boys, since I will be in school the whole time. I suppose I could play hooky...stay tuned.

Hayden earned his Star rank in Scouts. He's going to the merit badge Pow Wow at BYU-I in November, bringing him one merit badge closer to Eagle. Cameron earned his Bear rank in Cub Scouts and he and Jacob have been busy practicing for the Primary program.

I've been tagged!

10 years ago:
1) I was ten years younger.
2) I was recovering from giving birth to my fourth son.
3) I was in worse shape than today.

Today's TO DO List:
1) Get up at 6:30 a.m., shower, dress
2) Ride on hot, noisy school bus with seventy screaming seventh graders to Idaho Falls and back (INL Science Expo)
3) Wait on said school bus in parking lot of Middle School until grumpy male teacher decides everyone is "quiet enough" to be allowed to disembark (this really happened)
4) Get some "Work" work done
5) Fix dinner (I'm thinking take-out)
6) Go to bed

Favorite Snacks:
1) Chocolate anything, except cake (weird, I know)
2) Fresh fruit, especially nectarines and apricots
3) Mother's Taffy Cookies dunked in milk
4) Homemade Cracker Jack popcorn

If I were a millionaire:
1) I'd add on to our home
2) Put money in savings
3) Buy a red Pontiac Solstice, convertible, of course
4) Or an Audi TT would be okay, too
5) Share

I have lived in:
1) North Ogden, Utah
2) Napa,California
3) Carson City, Nevada
4) North Ogden, Utah
5) Ogden, Utah
6) Fort Morgan, Colorado
7) Colorado Springs, Colorado
8) Rexburg, Idaho

Jobs:
1) Babysitter
2) Carpet Cleaner
3) Office Cleaner
4) Nut House employee (really)
5) Weber State Reserve library assistant
6) First Security Bank - mailroom; collections department
7) Office manager
8) Mother
9) Part time student

I tag:
Deaun
Kareena A.
Sherry

Deja Vu

OUCH! My arm!

I've been looking forward to taking my new bike for a spin, so Paul, Hayden, Jacob and I went for a ride near Island Park on Saturday. Since Parker hasn't been released by his doctor to get back on his motorcycle, he stayed home. Cameron chose to keep him company. The weather was perfect. We made a big loop, going from the Osborne Bridge east towards Island Park Scout Camp, then south along the old rail bed, before heading back west to where we started.


The ride was fun, with a few exceptions: dirty contacts and bruised kidneys. I solved the first problem by popping out the offending lens and washing it, trail side, with eye drops. Putting it back in was tricky without a mirror, but sunglasses worked in a pinch.

In regards to the second problem, I might have exaggerated just a tiny bit, and the solution is rather controversial. Let me explain. The rail bed we rode on was horribly rutted and washboardy (is that even a word?), leading to a very jarring ride. The condition of the trail can easily be attributed to irresponsible ATV riders. To resolve this issue, I propose that the dirt bike riders of the world unite in an effort to have 4-wheelers banned from public lands (that sounds so elitist!). I apologize to all the responsible ATV riders out there.


BIKERS RULE!





In spite of the minor setbacks, we had a great day. We brought lunch and enjoyed a few hours in our beautiful "backyard."


My new bike - pretty, isn't it? (I know, only a girl would say that about a piece of machinery).


Photographic proof that I really can ride.


We had to ride on the pavement for part of the way. This was Jacob's most, and my least, favorite part. Don't get me wrong, it was fun, but I kept having images of one of the kids wiping out flash through my mind. Paul reassured me they would be more likely to crash while on the dirt trail (thanks for the comforting thought). I guess the secret is to not think about all the things that could go wrong, just enjoy the experience.


Paul stretching his legs.


Oh, and by the way, the first picture with my arm in a splint - fake. Only the head is mine. We all made it home in one piece.

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Paul spoke in Sacrament meeting today. If the number of people crying at the end of a talk is an accurate indication of its power and effectiveness, you could say Paul hit a home run. He shared some of the things he has learned through the experiences of the past year. It was a great talk, and I'm not just saying that because I love the man and have a vested interest in his happiness.